We keep coming out. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard that and thought that but I know it’s constantly true. Coming out is a life long process. The deeper we get into life, the more revelations we discover, the more we keep coming out.
I only remember some of my pre-out life. Although I remember clearly the moment I knew I had to come out, I don’t remember being so much closeted before that as confused. When I grew up there was no “gay.” There were no mature gay people to whom I could look for role models; or at least, if there were, they were unknown to me. I knew I was interested in other boys in a very deep way from the very first, but I never understood that that was somehow different from the way other boys felt, or that it was very much the way most of them felt about girls. And when I dated girls and went through all of the “normal” phases, I had no way to know that the lovely friendships we developed were not the norm. Until one day, at about age 24, I knew. It hit me like a ton of bricks. And I knew I had to come out. I was pretty decisive about it too. I did my research, which was more difficult in those pre-Internet days. I remember going to my first adult book store and feeling like I’d discovered gold. In those days there were several gay newspapers, notably The Advocate, and I bought several such things and devoured them. They had advertisements for books that I ordered and those I spent hours with as well.
The hard part was figuring out what to do. As it happened, I didn’t need to worry too much about that. One day I was talking to a guy I barely knew at work and I just blurted it out and he laughed and said “let’s get coffee.” The rest was history, as they say.
I don’t know, of course, what anybody else’s story is like. I know that I have had the impression that today’s younger generations are better informed and more likely to know early on what’s happening. But somehow I suspect that ton of bricks is a pretty common experience. It is like a rebirth, or an awakening, a realization of what is right that takes your breath away. And it is a moment in which freedom is born in your soul.
In Galatians 5 Paul writes about freedom; he says “for freedom Christ has set us free.” He means, of course, that in Christ all of God’s children are set free from the burdens of the Old Testament law; he even says (14) “For the whole law is summed up in a single commandment, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'” But he also says “don’t be self-indulgent” and later “don’t devour each other.” He means, freedom means standing firm, being decisive, knowing your own truth, and being decisively people of the Gospel. Being people of the Gospel means loving your neighbor as yourself. But in order to do that you have to love yourself. In order to love yourself you have to know yourself. Realizing Gospel freedom is born in telling yourself the truth about yourself. And that must lead, in my experience, to the life-giving decision to come out, to be the lgbt people God created us to be.
There is more of course, because freedom is not freedom from responsibility or community. Being free means living into the world God created us to inhabit, the kingdom of heaven, which as Jesus always tells us, is already here, if only we can see it.
Today will see the gay pride parade in New York City which has become a sort of international beacon of light for the lgbt community. Millions who are out will parade, or gather to watch the parade, or see it later via media. Millions more, who are not yet out also will be there, maybe a bit farther back on the sidewalk or down the street or watching from a venue along the route. For them, it is important that we keep coming out, keep being role models, keep showing the world who God made us to be.
When pride celebrations are over and the doldrums descend, we have to keep coming out in our communities, by which I mean every place we inhabit. The carnage in Orlando is just more evidence that we have to take our freedom as God’s lgbt people seriously. And in a quiet moment today we should take time to remember those gunned down that night. And while we’re at it we should remember all of our comrades who passed during the AIDS pandemic.
Then celebrate the freedom God has given us to live lgbt lives, celebrate your pride in who you are. Keep coming out.
©2016 The Rev. Dr. Richard P. Smiraglia. All rights reserved.
*Proper 8 (2 Kings 2:1-2, 6-14; Psalm 77:1-2, 11-20; Galatians 5:1,13-25; Luke 9:51-62)
Dimensions of Reality: glbt Christian spirituality 